No Fashion Sense

I am dressed up for a client interview, needing to feel confident. Wondering why I am not completely comfortable with my outfit. It fits nicely. Comfortable but professional. Makes me look thin.

Then my son looks me up and down as we walk out to the door – too late to change – “Mom, you look like a flight attendant.”

And that’s it. I do. Exactly.

He giggles. “Please take care when opening the overhead bins, as items may have shifted during our flight.”

I think he’s getting back at me for making him study for exams.

When Boys Dress Themselves

It was 29 degrees when we left for school today. My fifth grader came down in shorts and a short-sleeve shirt. For two days, he has deliberately walked past the clothes I’ve left for him on the railing outside the boys’ bedroom. Fine. He’s past the age when I should have stopped that anyway.

But I made a rule just yesterday that after Halloween (especially if it is 29 degrees out), my kids have to wear at least one long something – either long pants or a long-sleeve shirt. So I sent him back upstairs to change.

Mean mom.

He came down still wearing the shorts, black with blue and florescent yellow stripes. On top, he was wearing dark green plaid. Totally over-patterned.

But I didn’t say a word.

A few days before, my six year old dressed himself to go out to dinner. He climbed into the car wearing a navy shirt with red stripes, poorly matched with orange and brown plaid shorts.

They clearly inherited my lack of fashion savvy. But certain colors do not go together! Don’t mix plaids! Plaids and stripes? Often an even worse combo! How do they not see that?!

But I didn’t say a word.

One “mean mom”-ordered trip back upstairs to change a day is plenty. If they can’t get it right it after that, they will have to try again tomorrow.

As long as they don’t get frostbite on the playground.

From the Fashionista: Buying Jeans at 44

Just don’t do it. Then you’ll be happy and feel thin….

…until you see your post-forty-something peers looking absolutely fabulous in their skinny jeans and cute boots.

My college roommate recently emailed me asking if she was still allowed to buy jeans at The Gap and J. Crew. Now, the funny thing about her email is that I am no fashionista. I am the one you see wearing only comfortable clothes, whose friends still talk about “that skirt and ugly sandals” you wore in high school. I am the one you should see on that show “What Not to Wear,” but my friends and sisters say, “well, you’re not that bad.”

Stacy and Clinton, pick me!!!!

She was clearly desperate and too embarrassed to ask anyone else.

But it got me to thinking. And here’s my advice, having just bought two new pairs of jeans myself.

1) Go to a store that carries lots of brands. Ask advice of the woman hired to work there because she looks great in her clothes. She knows more than I do.
2) Tell her that you want the softest jeans possible made with light, stretchy material.
3) Tell her you finally started wearing shirts that don’t cover your hips, so you must have a jean that covers your butt crack. No one needs to see your 40-something-old butt, no matter how cute it is.
4) If you think you are a size 29, you are not a size 28. She will try to convince you to go smaller than you want to go. Do not listen. Jeans that are too small hurt your post-baby belly when you button them. And you will be back with regrets.
5) Do not believe anyone who says jeans stretch. I have been fortunate enough to weigh about the same since I was 17, and I have never seen a pair of jeans get bigger.
6) Spend the time to try on lots of jeans. Pick your favorite.
7) If you love one pair above all others, buy multiple pairs of that exact jean. You will never regret it. You will certainly wear them enough to make the cost-per-wear go down to mere pennies or less.
8) Buy a pair of shoes that are comfortable and cool enough to strut in.
9) Strut and know you look better than ever.