Creative Cussing

How my fourth grader calls it without using bad words:

“He’s a donkey-hole from the place where hounds guard the gates.”

The Doomed Youngest Son

While the youngest of three boys might get in trouble less than his brothers at home, he’s doomed at school.

He hears things that he does not understand but that make his brothers giggle and whisper and then laugh out loud. They talk about new words they are learning from their friends. They tell him about crazy things the cool kids say like “your mama” and “jackass.”

He wants to be like them. He wants to make his big brothers laugh. He wants their friends to think he’s one of the big dogs.

It’s the kiss of death when you are still in preschool.

And as the youngest of three boys, there must be a birth order thing that makes you predisposed to push the envelope, to take risks older siblings would never dare take. You will stray further from mom as soon as you can walk, jump from higher perches, and test out new silly words by yelling them happily, almost boastfully in the halls at school.

“It’s not fair,” you should say, when you are once again sitting in the principal’s office for yet another transgression, “I am the youngest.”

Yesterday, my youngest son put his arm between the legs of a little girl at school, and in front of his teacher and all the moms picking up at the end of the day, he laughed out loud, “I grabbed your nuts!”

He was shocked when I pulled him roughly aside and let him know how much trouble he was in. “But…?” He only wanted to make us laugh.

“Yes dear, it sucks to be the little guy. You’re still in big, big trouble.”

And back at home, where the youngest rarely gets the blame, his big brothers are in for it too.