Signing Up for Cotillion

My fifth grader’s friends have all signed up for Cotillion at a local country club.

I did it in fifth grade and hated it. You have to dress up. Girls have to learn how to politely take off white gloves — in my opinion, a completely useless skill these days given the number of women wearing white gloves at “the best” cocktail parties. Then you not only have to talk to boys you don’t know with bright green ties, you actually have to dance with them.

A total nightmare.

I was thinking of bowing out for my boys.

But all of my fifth grade son’s friends are doing it. I told him who had signed up, and he said he was definitely in. When I told him he was registered, he did a cool-guy fist pump, then gave me a hi-five.

What fifth grade boy gives their mom a hi-five for signing him up for Cotillion?!

“I like doing things with my friends,” he said.

He clearly does not get it.

At dinner that night, my fourth grader said, “If you sign me up for Cotillion, I will kill you.”

A much more normal response.

But then he added, “Unless you buy me a Men in Black outfit and I can wear shades. Then I’m in.”

No shades at Cotillion.

“If I can’t say, ‘The difference between you and me, is I make this look good,’ then I’m not going.”

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