The Ailments of My Children

The Youngest
My four-year-old boy has a runny nose. “But I’m only two percent sick. That’s not so bad.”

The Middle Child
The second the Super Bowl ended with the Giants as victors, the one child in our family who was cheering for the Patriots started sobbing. No, it was not the loss that was making cry. Instead, he claimed, it was the sudden onset of pain in both feet. We left the party we were attending early, and on our way out, the hostess called to him that they would let him know if he won the “kid pool.” Hmmm. Half-way down the street (yes, he was able to walk), he looked back at the party house to make sure no one was watching, and the tears magically dried up. “Mom, I think I won the kid pool.” Pain cured by a $15 iTunes card, which he did, in fact, win.

The Oldest
“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” It was a Wednesday right before school. “You’ll feel better after you eat breakfast.” Then, after a few bites, “I still feel like I’m going to throw up.” “Well, get dressed. You might feel better by the time we get to school.” Nope. We pull up to school, and the tears fell. “I’m going to throw up.” So, I cave. It turns out I gave my third grader a mental health day. What’s a third grader needing a mental health day for?!

Imagine “98 percent sick”!

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