Not The Bottom Third

I am currently reading a parenting book called The Blessings of a B-, so it seems timely that an adult I know recently received a comment from a professor that praised his output and the quality of his class participation, but put him in “the bottom third” regarding quantity of participation.

“The bottom third? I am not in the bottom third of anything!”

It’s a great name for a bar or a band. It will make a great t-shirt when I get it made for all our friends. Not the Bottom Third.

The funny thing is…it’s true. And if there’s even a chance that he’s falling below the top third, this guy will work harder than anyone to make sure it never happens.

Now, I know that this disgruntled student immediately set up a meeting with the professor, because he is that kind of guy. I also know that the meeting did nothing for him, because such meetings never do. The “bottom third” comment is already out there. Professors don’t really “take it back”.

I pity the professor and others in the class, because my guess is… they are about to get a lot of participation!

So, in an attempt to get this student to move on, save his professor and classmates, and only sort of rub it in, I thought I’d make a list of the things in which he is, in fact, in the bottom third.

• Ankle circumference
• Hours of sleep in 2011
• Number of cuss words spoken out loud in 2011 (despite small ankles and little sleep)
• Rounds of golf played (compared to the average physician and his former fraternity brothers)
• Percent chance that he is going to get a sports car in 2012
• Musical talent (unless passion equals talent)
• Drafting fantasy football teams
• Time spent shoveling snow (for a guy living in Colorado)
• Times he’s been in the bottom third

Okay, done. That’s it. I spent the last few days trying to think of things, and this is it.
Let this professor be “that guy” that came up with something, whether true or not. Move on. We will all love you for laughing off this one “bottom third” statement and think of you always as a top third kind of guy.

And then we can open a bar and wear our cool t-shirts.

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One thought on “Not The Bottom Third

  1. Anonymous says:

    That is the sweetest ode to the bottom third. 🙂

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